Sunday, March 12, 2006

Top Ten Things I Learned About Being A Mom (That the Books Didn't Tell Me)

Obviously I am speaking from heterosexual point of view.

10. You become a full-fledged parent when you are baptized by your babe while changing her/his diaper.

9. Most new dads don't take charge, so when he asks, "How can I help?" Give him a list. If he doesn't ask, give it to him anyway. If he DOES take charge, be grateful. Thank God AND your man, because it is rare.

8. Take people up on their offers to help. Give them the list too. Hey, they asked, didn't they?

7. Forgetfulness comes with sleep deprivation which comes with parenthood. Don't worry it doesn't last forever, at least that's what they tell me. (But I can't remember who they are.)

6. Wine is not only good for milk letdown, it is also good for your sanity.

5. Leave the laundry and dishes, or better yet, put them on the list and get some sleep. Just be sure to brush your teeth by noon.

4. You WILL, no matter how foul you think it is now, eventually use the sniff test to check you baby's diaper for a poop deposit.

3. Being a parent is the most challenging, important and rewarding job you will ever have. The challenges never stop; they change in nature, so you can't spend a lot of time patting yourself on the back, as your babe will have already moved to the next chapter.

2. Privacy and modesty have left the building. Babies and children come with bathroom (and privacy) radar; they know you are trying to have a "private moment" and they will hunt you down with their piercing screams or with their incessant pleading at the bathroom door. This radar can sometimes interrupt intimate moments between you and your mate, but most new parents don't have to worry about that for the first 6 months as sleeps trumps intimacy. Sorry mates.

1. People like to say, "Once you have a kid, your life will never be the same", but what they often forget to tell you is - that is absolutely the best part about it!


Rio said...

So why on earth give up wine for Lent? Doesn't that just set you up to be a bad parent?

As I was at the store a couple hours before Sonny Boy's sleepover party, I saw the Yuengling delivery guy. I had a strong urge to jump him.

Little parasites - sucking the lifeblood out of you - but can't quite remember life before them, and when they are asleep they sure do look innocent and adorable.

restless said...

God isn't smiling on my discipline at this moment. I feel off of muliple wagons this week.

Rio said...

I fell off yesterday - or perhaps it would be more accurate to say Sonny Boy pushed me off.

Edgy Mama said...

O yes, the poop test. How happy am I that I never again will press my nose against a smelly diaper.