Monday, December 18, 2006

Creamy Tooth Dip

Last weekend a bunch of my neighbors got together for a progressive dinner that began at my house. Our guests included a couple in their mid eighties and a twice widowed woman who is 83. Now normally someones age wouldn't be of significance but it just so happens that in this instance it is quite relevant.

Once everyone had arrived, we settled in our living room with appetizers and drinks. The widow made a creamy dip with vegetables that was parked in front of Mary, half of the couple in their eighties. We were all enjoying each other's company so no one noticed the conversation taking place between Mary and another much younger neighbor. But we all heard about later.

Apparently, Mary dipped a vegy in the creamy dip and then produced a tooth. She pulled it out of her mouth to survey it, popped it back to suck off the excess dip, and then pulled it out again. She then fished around her mouth, checking to see if she was missing a tooth. She told my neighbor it wasn't hers. Now my neighbor said it was clearly an old person's tooth. So did it come from the dip? It's a mystery but later when the widow asked me if I'd like to keep some of the dip, I politely declined.

Friday, December 15, 2006

The Joke

My nine year old came home from school the other day and shared this joke with me.

Sweet innocent boy: Mom, every time I ask you a question, you have to answer with "ketchup and liquor"

SIB: What is your favorite food?

Me: Ketchup and liquor

SIB: What is your favorite drink?

Me: Ketchup and liquor

SIB: What would you do if you saw Brittany Spears running down the street?

Me, stupidly answering the question: Ketchup and liquor

SIB: giggling waiting for me to burst into laughter - because I don't think he really gets it

Me: frowning with disgust, stunned and stammering, "Who told you that joke?" and then "Do you even know who Brittany Spears is?" (Did he also know that she just showed her beaver to God and everybody? YIKES!)

SIB: Yes, she is a singer.

Me: And a skank (ok, I didn't say it out loud)

Now, I'd much rather be addressing this same child's question at age five - "Just exactly how does the sperm get transported to the egg?" - than trying to delicately explain why this isn't appropriate. I bailed and told him he shouldn't be sharing that with kids younger than him.

He shared it with his best friend, who also, stupidly shared it with his mother.