Monday, March 27, 2006


My youngest holds it forever. You can hear him farting across the house. It sounds like someone is shooting off a round from an automatic weapon. This an indication that he needs to "go", but he heeds no nudging from me.

Tonight when I ducked into the bathroom to check his bath progress, I was greeted by a pungent stank. Youngest was sitting in the tub, half cocked on one buttock, like he was trying to let one "go". "Get out of the tub and go to the bathroom," I pleaded, my nose watering from the smell. "Ok, Ok," he whined.

A few minutes later, he was yelling from the tub, "I'm all itchy."

"You probably used too much soap again. Stand up and turn on the shower."

"Nooooo," objected my strong willed child.

"Ok, then, get out!"

I proceeded to slather him with lotion to quell the itching and then helped him to bed.

When I returned to the scene of the crime, the smell was still quite acute. I took a couple of steps closer to find bits, MANY bits, of poop in the bathtub.

"****ing gross," I snarled. Then I hit the cleaning closet. Times like these call for drastic measures: Clorox.

This wouldn't be so dramatic if youngest was say, 3 years old. But he is 6. Six years old!!

I did give him a choice: Either you clean it up or you lose 10 compliments (our reward system for doing things right). He's no dummy. Earning 10 compliments is a lot easier than cleaning up shit. He went to bed.

It was only later I realized why he was itching. Shit!


ash said...

yuk. 'nuff said.

i want to know more about the reward system. what does it take to earn a compliment? will any old "that's a nice T-shirt" compliment count? or does earning a compliment require more than that?

would a criticism cancel a compliment?

Edgy Mama said...

Yeah, he's a bit old to be pooping in the tub. Up the kids' fiber, for heaven's sake. Or something. I don't miss the poop in the tub days. It is the grossest. Have you tried that Citrus Magic stuff for the smell?

Rio said...

I don't even know what to write in response.

I'm just so sorry for you.

restless said...

Bet y'all wish i would stop talking about bodily functions. I've pretty much covered it all lately.

Ash, i don't know if your trying to distract me off the potty subject or you really want to know the story of compliments. But since you asked...

We haven't been using this very long, so it's effeciteness may wane after a while but both the boys have a compliment "jar" the size of a plastic wine cup (ok it is a plastic wine cup) that they can fill with compliments. When they do something right or positive they get a compliment- we use little decorative pebbles - from the big jar. "Right" is anything from good manners to getting ready for school on time, to sharing to cleaning the toilet. They can be asked to give a compliment back for hitting, calling me an idiot, etc. The system helps the parent focus on the positive. And when the jar is full, then the boys get a reward. For their first reward we promised to take them the Hell's Depot in town - you know the one with the 10 commandments and the shot em up games side by side?? We did that a couple of weeks ago and now are half way "full" to a sleep over party.

I haven't trained them yet on specific compliments to me such as, "No those pants don't make your butt look big" - but i figure i've got a few years.

BTW,Ash, thx for the VERY cool book. Rio would be jealous.

EM - the fiber has been mostly MIA, during the kitchen remod, but the apple doesn't fall far from the daddy tree - he just doesn't eat veggies. When i bake stuff, i can sneak in a scoop of this stuff called Super Seed, which has a lot of fiber (i have a friend who calls it "colon blow") and he doesn't notice.

Edgy Mama said...

Oh good, I'm glad you understood my garbled phone message and that Patch didn't devour the book before you arrived.

O, and though the book was free, I'll send you the dry-cleaning bill for the pants that Patch mauled with big, dirty paws. (I'm kidding. Kind of.)

Edgy Mama said...

I'm getting tired of coming to your blog and reading the word "Shit!"

YaYa3 said...

God. You are hysterical. :)
and older-then-shit mommy